8 months & two weeks ago, my race was beginning & i was the most terrified i think i’ve ever been in my life. the thought of being in constant community & letting other people into the deepest & most wounded parts of my heart sounded like the last thing i ever wanted for myself. everything in me wanted to run away from these people who i was supposed to live with for quite some time. i went in to the race believing that i would never be able to love the people around me. that they would be weird & uninviting. that they would be more displays of the broken christianity i had experienced so much. truly i expected the worst from my squad, and i really really didn’t want to love them. i’m my head christians were only people who brought pain & judgment & condemnation. but gap c didn’t do that.

never in my life have i experienced a body of people who so clearly display what the church is supposed to look like. this squad was eager to jump into all of the growth & fire & new that Abba had for us. we fought hard to understand each other’s hearts. we’ve sought to outdo each other in honor & love. a community that just felt too good to be true. what a gift. the past 8 & 1/2 months of my life have been the sweetest, most growth filled months of my life. i’ve had the privilege of being surrounded by a community of 23 other people who live in constant joy & reverence of Abba. people who fight hard for community & choose in to each other when it’s hard & life is messy. people who walk in a culture of grace & humility. best friends who encourage you to walk in true freedom of the identity the Father has given you. people who i trust so deeply, with my whole heart. 

i cannot dare to say i’ve ever loved a group of people more than them. when i think of parting from this sweet little family, my heart hurts deeply, but i also feel overjoyed. overjoyed to think of all the amazing things my friends are gonna do to impact the kingdom. i feel so so excited for the world, because 23 people who have experienced the face of God, who have learned to walk in love & grace & honor & kindness & patience & steadfastness are being released to wreak havoc on the things of this world & bring heaven to earth. the human in me is jealous that other people get to love gap c the way i have, but my soul is so excited. how lucky anyone would be to know any one of these people who have been my home for the past 9 months. i don’t know if i’ll ever be able to do gap c justice in just one blog, but one thing i know, my life has been completely changed by allowing my walls to come down. to love & be loved by the people around me.